Today I went to the surgeon to discuss where I am in terms of relief and place on the timeline of recovery from the situation with my spine.
This doctor is in the orthopedic department, not the same medical professional who is handling my epidural steroid injections (ESI), that's a good thing. I want to keep these practitioners and their philosophies separate. The latter doctor is an anesthesiologist who specializes in non-surgical treatments for spinal problems and pain, in this case mine's a bad herniation at L5-S1. After my second ESI, the doctor was cautiously optimistic given that my MRI showed my herniation was bad. He said if I had signficant relief by mid-November I could get shot #3. If that third shot doesn't get me to 90% back to normal, that I need to think about surgery.
This was not much different than the conclusion that the surgeon came to today after I told him about my level of relief (acute pain down quite a bit) and reviewed what has transpired, but I:
still limp, dragging my left leg, which is weak;
have pretty annoying dull tailbone pain, which he said makes sense based on what the steroid shot has accomplished so far in terms of pain reduction at L5-S1. This is painful particularly after driving;
have an inability to sit comfortably for very long (I have a desk job) without getting really stiff and in pain. I've been toughing it out.
Last Tuesday (10/23) I went for my second epidural steroid injection for my herniated disc went much better than the first one-- that was an excruciating nightmare). This procedure the needle was positioned to better address the continuing pain in my left leg - it was a L5-S1 transforaminal ESI, L side, for those interested in Googling). It was injected in 2 places. It hurt a lot, but this time it didn't induce blood-curdling screaming or cursing in the operating room.
The good news
The good news is that within a day I was feeling a LOT better. Over the weekend I was able to walk through the grocery store to do our normal shopping, something I couldn't complete because of the pain. The pain has been replaced by a general feeling of stiffness in my back, but it's not pain.
The bad news
The numbness from the nerve damage that travels down the left side of my leg, along with the weakness (it doesn't respond to the knee-tap reflex) and complete numbness of my left foot remains. The anesthesiologist who performed the procedure said this may not go away with the shot or surgery. It's more than annoying; it's more like neuropathy, which I already have from diabetes, but now it's my whole left foot.
Am I cured?
No. How long the relief will last is uncertain - there are no guarantees, no sure timelines. The defect in the spine remains. The conventional wisdom:
Although this procedure may give excellent pain relief, it will not fix the source of the “pinched nerve”. However, by reducing the inflammation of the nerve and with the help of some exercises provided by your orthopedist or physical therapist, you should have months to years of freedom from pain. And although you may have to return for a repeat series of Epidural Steroid Injections in future years, many people prefer this treatment than having surgery to repair the defect.
The only way to confirm whether the herniation retracted (this occurs some of the time, but based on my MRI the doctor said mine looked pretty severe) is to have another MRI. I also have a third ESI slated a couple of weeks from now. When I left after the second one, the doctor had me make an appointment for another procedure. The agreement is that if I achieve about 80% effectiveness from my POV, we should try the third one.
The fun stuff - why shot #2 wasn't as painful
You won't believe this. Well, the answer was kind of funny in a black humor kind of way. Prior to going into the OR, the doc asked if I wanted Valium (to calm me). I said no, I'm not nervous, and besides don't you want me to be lucid while you're working on me. And, I noted, as long as you're ok with me screaming or cursing while you work.
The student anesthesiologist went a little gray as we both laughed (the doc laughed and said "no" -- my guess a lot of patients come unglued).
So a few minutes later I'm face down on the table in the OR, gripping the handles in anticipation of being tortured again. I told the nurse about my cursing and screaming and to get ready for it; she said that was fine, "just don't bite me." Apparently some patient actually did this in response to a painful procedure.
And yes, the initial injection of lidocaine to numb the area for the real pain to come with the insertion of the catheter/needle hurt (more a quick sting and burn). Then the doctor guides the needle into the area of the spine where the steroid is to be delivered. This is where the excruciating pain occurred last time, escalating as the med was delivered into the affected area.
This time it was somewhat nausea inducing as he hit an area that he said he had to maneuver to avoid blood vessels. He had to remove the needle and reposition. All this is happening at a moderate pain level, no screaming or cursing.
Then he said "OK, I'm going to start putting in the medication now." I grimace and then I feel some pressure and mild pain for about 10 seconds. He then said "I'm half-way through. Do you need to rest?"
I'm completely taken aback because it took 10 minutes and four passes of push the plunger/screaming and cursing/take a breather to get it done last time. "Halfway through? Go ahead." Five seconds later he was done.
I was like WTF? That was it? I'm still face down on the table, and I said "How come this was so much less painful." His reply?
"Because I did it this time."
"Huh?" I said.
"Last time "Dr. So and So" did it."
Ah, yes, the joys of a teaching institution.
The trainee who was in the room last time was the one who actually did the procedure, with the doctor supervising. Jesus Christ -- of course since I was face down on the table both times, I didn't realize the other guy was doing the procedure -- I was the guinea pig.
I guess my discussion about screaming and cursing in the exam room this time made the doctor decide or take pity on me (or perhaps this other trainee was scared) and did it himself this time around.
What's next?
It's now almost a week since the shot and I have some odd residual problems -- cramping in my left leg (calf) along with random small spasms going from my rear end down my left leg and foot. There's no correlation to activity; it happens when I'm moving and when at rest. It's not painful, just annoying, but I'll need to monitor it. It's more of that "electrical storm" type of activity. My uneducated guess is the herniation is still aggravating the nerve in some way and the steroids are just masking any accompanying pain.
Since I am also having tailbone pain and spine pain higher (around the base of my neck), it would be good to get a look at this to see if my rheumatoid arthritis is causing additional deterioration. I see the surgeon on Friday to discuss what has transpired so far with the ESI and what my surgical options may be.
Some people prefer the ESIs to put off or avoid surgery; I'm more inclined to fix the problem rather than keep dosing myself with steroids.
During this period of relief I have to remind myself that I'm not cured -- that too much strain, twisting or lifting things may make the herniation worse. But for now, it's nice not to be in acute pain.
After the scare concerning tainted vials of methylprednisolone acetate used for epidural steroid injections (ESI) from the New England Compounding Center in Framingham, MA that caused meningitis that has killed hundreds of people -- the facility where I had my ESI did not use NECC vials -- it was just a waiting game to see whether I would see any benefit from it.
I was cautious because there wasn't a promise that the herniated disc would retract back once the inflammation was down -- no doctor can do that. But the hope that was I would get out of the acute pain that I've been in for what seems like an eternity.
So after a week I was kind of down because I was feeling no positive change from the steroids aside from the first couple of days, which is odd, but the same thing happened when I had a shot in the hip -- pain returned after a couple of days. The doctor (and most web sites) said normally you'd see benefit in 3-5 days. I was still in immense pain at night and first thing in the AM.
Last Thursday afternoon was a breakthrough day. Almost like a switch was flipped, the acute pain seemed to disappear. It was replaced with a a fair amount of stiffness in my lower back, but that was tolerable. Where there was no improvement was in the numbness/neuropathy that goes down the outside of my left leg and covers my entire foot. People with neuropathy know what I'm talking about but it's a paradox -- your limb feels dead, sometimes as if it isn't there, but alternately, it can be highly over-sensitive to touch -- socks and shoes with a lot of ridges or nubs can actually hurt a lot. Walking on uneven surfaces (like gravel) can be excruciating. Thank goodness it's not my right (driving) foot. I'd be screwed royally.
I tire quickly in this condition, but my strength in my left leg seems to be improving. Something odd is still going on with the nerve that is being pressed by the disc. Fairly frequently I'll have these shooting electrical-storm type sensations that shoot down inside my leg, causing spasms. It doesn't hurt, but when this occurred prior to the ESI, it hurt a lot.
A beautiful day
But on to this past Saturday -- it was a great day with beautiful weather here in Durham. I was able to walk/limp around at the Farmer's Market downtown and then at Costco, which of course is also a good amount of walking since it's a big box store. It's nice to be able to go out and enjoy the fall weather -- even if only for short bits of walking at a time. It's so much better than being nearly housebound and in the wretched pain I was in for nearly two months.
Thankfully I've not suffered from high blood glucose from the ESI; I was warned about it but I've been monitoring and seen that they've actually been better -- probably from the reduced pain levels. Pain can shoot up blood sugars - it certainly has in my case.
It's not a cure
I have to go for another ESI on October 23; the last experience was so excruciating that I nearly passed out from it. I had nightmares for days. I look at this as a painful experiment -- if I can get to 80% of my normal self (not focusing on managing this particular chronic pain; I've got enough already), I can better research my surgery options not under duress. What I don't want is to keep pumping steroids into my system quarterly, which is what many people do to put off surgery. If I've got a bad disc, I want to fix it. I'm not particularly scared of surgery; I've had a number of them already, though not on my spine. I should note that the doctor performing the ESI is an anesthesiologist, not a surgeon (I've also seen a surgeon), so the former is working from the pain management perspective, not necessarily an advocate for surgery. He hopes the ESI can address my issues, but is realistic that I may still require surgery.
Some videos. First, an explanation the ESI procedure and its benefits and risks. The doctor here talks about patients "find the procedure easy to go through, with only minor pressure, pain and discomfort."
Uh. That's BULLSH*T. That may be true for some patients. In my case they had to inject the steroid in 4 passes (the needle stayed in, but they couldn't push it all in at once because the space in the disc they needed to place it was very small -- damaged disc [L4-L5]). The two doctors were not surprised that I was screaming during the procedure. As I said in my post on the procedure:
Let's just say the injection as horrifically painful -- like something in a bad horror movie with a torture rack. My 10 on the pain scale was the initial acute herniation that sent me to the ER, rating about as bad as a kidney stone attack. This procedure was a 9-10, but not a sustained high mark of excruciation...good thing they have grips for you to hold on to while you are screaming and cursing on the operating table.
This is next video makes me queasy since I couldn't see what was going on during my procedure (you're on your tummy), but based on the pain all I could imagine was some giant needle going in, but of course it was not.
My comments on the video - the first lidocaine injection (local pain killer) didn't hurt much at all. The wiggling as the needle guided into the spine is uncomfortable, but tolerable. Once the target area is located and hit, it's a horrific stab going in. In this video the entire dose of steroid is injected at once. As I said, the location of my herniation was so tight to fill they did it in four passes with about 30 seconds to a minute in between so I could slow my breathing (I was hyperventilating and screaming), and "rest" before they pushed again.
When they said they were "halfway through" I thought I was going to die. But I tried to think about being somewhere else and said go ahead. About this time they added more lidocaine, presumably to help during recovery. The last push of the needle was when I thought I would pass out the pain was so great. I wish my experience was that of the patient in this vid.
I was so weak getting off of the table after the procedure I practically slipped down into the wheelchair. The lidocaine kicked in about 15 minutes later, leaving me numb from the waist down. No pain.
But fast forward to today - it's Monday and I'm back at work, albeit I have to keep shifting chairs because none are ideal for sitting at length for me in this state. Driving in didn't hurt. I did have a hard time getting up and ready for work because of my rheumatoid arthritis, which is currently untreated because I'm off of it until I'm sure I won't have surgery any time soon. The effectiveness of the second ESI will let me know if I can go back on Enbrel.
Months ago I purchased tickets to a Journey concert (featuring Loverboy and Pat Benatar as openers) in Greensboro, NC, and I was quite fortunate -- when I hopped on the Tickemaster site I was able to nab front-row seats. I tucked the confirmation email away and went about my business.
I was almost in tears thinking there's no way I'd be in any condition to see my favorite band, as the October 3 date was looming. I was in such a bad way I was telecommuting since driving was clearly not an option for me. Short walks in a store completely KOed me. My wife Kate took me to rent a wheelchair so in the worst-case scenario she'd roll me to the Greensboro Coliseum.
Fate would have it that things would get even more complicated when I was told that I would get that spine steroid injection on October 2 -- the day before the concert. The side effects from the surgical procedure (and it's painful) made it unclear whether that would prevent me from going to the concert.
Off to Greensboro
Well, I got well-medicated to manage the pretty horrible pain and Kate folded me into the car the next day and we were off to the concert with the wheelchair in the back of the Subaru. We got a handicapped space at the venue and then I had to decide whether to use the chair. My guess that the Coliseum's pre-Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA) status meant it wasn't wheelchair friendly. I decided to limp my way in. I wasn't wrong. Narrow staircases and aisles made it a bit troublesome; what I wonder is if I did have a wheelchair, where were they going to put it since I had front row seats and they were packed in there tight.
I was just glad to get there and into the front area seats because getting out of there was nearly impossible if you're physically compromised. There was a chance I would get meet and greet for Journey and Pat Benatar, but it wasn't meant to be this time...it was on with the show.
For me, almost as fun as jamming to the live music I love is taking photos. I had two camera with me -- a point-and-shoot Panasonic DMC-2510 Lumix and an Olympus Stylus. Since I was in the front row, I was able to rely on leaning on the front rail to hold myself up most of the time while standing. It was an exercise in pain once Journey was up, but nothing was going to stop me.
Loverboy
First up was Canadian 80s rock group Loverboy ("Turn Me Loose" and "Working For The Weekend" you may know), made up of Mike Reno, Paul Dean, Doug Johnson, Matt Frenette, and Ken "Spider" Sinnaeve.
They did a great of warming up the crowd with hits; what was really wonderful to see was just how happy they were on stage performing - you could see that lead singer Mike Reno (whose voice is still fab), was just having the time of his life up there.
Here's "Working for the Weekend" --
And "Turn Me Loose" - epic 80s cheez!
At some point in the set "Spider" Sinnaeve tossed a guitar pick out that I caught:
Pat Benatar
The thrill of the night was seeing Pat Benatar, who simply belted out her hits in that acetylene-torch voice that she's clearly taken care of well. Onstage with her was her husband and musical partner for 30+ years, guitarist Neil Giraldo.
The crowd when wild on a couple of her hits - "Love is a Battlefield" was tremendous - she hit all of those high notes, and with POWER. Her classically trained voice is just amazing. And the banter between the couple was genuine and hilarious.
How about checking out "Heartbreaker" (with a little "Ring of Fire" added in)!
A real treat was when Journey's Deen Castronovo sat in on drums and pounded out "Hit Me With Your Best Shot."
Just memorable. Let's just say there was a lot of dancing and fist-pumping going on in the venue.
And it's on to...
Journey
The current Journey lineup (for non-fans and casual listeners) consists of Neal Schon (founder, lead guitar), Ross Valory (bass); Jonathan Cain (keyboards, rhythm guitar), Deen Castronovo (drums, second lead vocal), and lead singer Arnel Pineda.
Nothing beats seats in the front. I saw Journey in row 3 at Planet Hollywood in Vegas last year, then saw Hall & Oates a few months ago about 25 rows back. No comparison in terms of fan experience -- being up front (especially if you love taking photos) does matter.
The setlist: Faith in the Heartland, Anyway You Want It, Ask the Lonely, Only the Young, Never Walk Away, Anytime, Mother Father (Deen), Faithfully, Stone in Love, Keep on Runnin' (Deen), Lights, Wheel in the Sky, Escape, Open Arms, Be Good to Yourself, Don't Stop Believing, Separate Ways, Lovin', Touchin' Squeezing.
Since I'm a hardcore fan (my fave period of songs is the Perry-Rolie era), the real treat of a live concert is getting to hear lesser-known (and played) songs. Of course the band knows the bulk of ticket holders are casual fans looking to hear Lights, Don't Stop Believing, Open Arms, Faithfully and the like, so the set is front-loaded with the big hits. I actually took short sit-down breaks to recover during those numbers. Not that I dislike the popular songs, mind you, they're pretty much done as a concert experience for me. I imagine Neal, Jon, and Ross can sleep-play through those.
It was good to see them open with Faith in the Heartland, a Steve Augeri-era tune that Arnel re-recorded with the band for the album Revelation and it was so welcome to see Deen Castronovo doing lead vocals this time -- he has a stellar tenor well-suited for Mother Father and Keep On Runnin'. When I saw the band last year, Deen didn't get his vocal moment in the spotlight and it was sorely missed. Trading off lead with Arnel also gives AP a chance for a break -- singing the Journey catalog is hard on vocalists.
Also, when Journey is on a triple bill, that means not a lot of play time left for old nuggets. One was Anytime, which appeared on the album Infinity that featured shared vocals between Gregg Rolie and Steve Perry; it's handled soulfully now by Jonathan Cain and Arnel Pineda. While the masses in the Coliseum didn't leapup for this one, the fans in my section were up on their feet and stoked when it started -- and knew the lyrics by heart.
Arnel received and wore a Carolina Panther's shirt - that was fun.
Since I'm a big fan and was shooting a ton of pix, I have to note the good and could-be-better that night:
Arnel pours his heart out into the performance every single time. He has a soaring powerful tenor that fills the venue -- how he gets that sound out of that compact body I'll never know. He hits those notes in chest and head voice -- no falsetto. And he excels at interaction with the fans (even signing a t-shirt during one of Neal's solos) throughout the evening, and covers the whole stage to shake hands and point to folks in the audience. He has never failed to entertain me.
Neal Schon, who has a right to be jaded out there after all these years of performing, still looks like he enjoys playing to the crowd. The axe man didn't phone it in this night; I got a ton of great shots that show him on a variety of gear churning out great licks. There was not a lot of excessive noodling solos this time (something that was oddly distracting last year); he was back to giving us great melodic licks -- and did a great "Star Spangled Banner."
Jonathan Cain -- someone needs to nudge the gifted singer-songwriter to smile more. I really had to work hard to capture photos when he didn't look overly serious or even bored at times, particularly when he stepped away from the keyboard to move center stage while playing guitar alongside bassist (and founding member of the band, Ross Valory, who looked a tad bored as well, but worked the stage well). Ross, by the way, is underrated; his work on several songs are the heart of the Journey sound -- Neal's solo on "Stone in Love" is epic, but listen to the equally stellar, bassline; it's been given "new life" in the remastered Greatest Hits 2.
Almost a smile...
I met Jonathan Cain (who penned "Don't Stop Believing") last year at a meet-and-greet (see pic below) and he's a wonderful, warm guy, but on this night he seemed to phone it in. Deen Castronovo - I don't know how the guy doesn't destroy his drum kit during a show he pounds so hard (imagine a cute human version of the Muppet's "Animal" - meant sompletely as a compliment; Deeno's spiked 'do just makes it even more apt!).
He always give it his all as well; he always looks like he's having a great time out there for fans. And as I said above, he's capable of some heavenly, emotive performances, particularly on Mother Father. I hope they keep his lead singing opportunities in the mix.
Another vid: Escape -- rocked the house!
They closed with Separate Ways and Lovin', Touchin' Squeezing. Last year they opened with SW, and since it's a hard, epic song, it plays better earlier rather than later for me. And LTS, well, it's one of those standards I wish they'd switch out for something fresh. But I understand; the band's playing for the majority of the folks there - some born long after the band formed, or newcomers to fandom, not the diehard gray hairs.
But it was a memorable night -- and I made it. Good times.
Wish list songs for another tour:
"Too Late" (Evolution)
"People and Places" (Departure)
"Stay Awhile" (Departure)
"One More" (Trial by Fire)
"Chain Reaction" (Frontiers)
"Anything Is Possible" (Eclipse)
And I received this Tweet from Arnel the next day:
Now as you read this horror show description remember -- for people with unbearable chronic or acute back conditions involving the spine (my MRI showed my herniation was bad), ESIs can give them back their lives and possibly avoid surgery.
Let's just say the injection as horrifically painful -- like something in a bad horror movie with a torture rack. My 10 on the pain scale was the initial acute herniation that sent me to the ER, rating about as bad as a kidney stone attack. This procedure was a 9-10, but not a sustained high mark of excruciation. But it's really the nature of the beast, after all, we're talking about your spine.
In the operating room (since they don't put you out you're awake for it all), they noted during the procedure just how small a space there was between the damaged disc (L4-L5) to inject all of the steroid and lidocaine, so they had to do it in very painful waves.
Good thing they have grips for you to hold onto while you are screaming and cursing on the operating table.
They had to use various views on the fluoroscopy to pinpoint the area to inject into as my level of "discomfort" rose. I was at one point hyperventilating and nauseous (I only had a small bowl of cereal since last night, knowing nausea was a possibility). The desire to hurl passed -- one of the nurses held an alcohol pad under my nose to quell it -- that actually helped.
And, I can say that the staff and doctors were very responsive and actually quite amusing; I guess having patients cursing and screaming all the time while they are trying to help them. I didn't feel like I was treated like a piece of meat. They were making fun of my Journey obsession to help distract me from the searing pain, lol.
But it's over and I'm so numb that it was hard to get into my house. The lidocaine should wear off in 6-8 hours then I have to ice it, take pain meds and hope for no fever or side effects. We'll see how it goes overnight. Fingers crossed.
I'm scheduled to go back in 3 weeks, possibly for another procedure. Kate snapped this one of me after I was wheeled to the recovery room:
The jury is out on whether the initial shot will work. I should know in 3-5 days whether I will have good pain relief, and then, as I said above, I may have another shot, this time focusing on the spinal area affecting my left hip/leg, where I am experiencing the most weakness and numbness/pain.
I'm trying to stay positive -- thus the thumbs-up photo to indicate that I'm hanging in there despite unrelenting pain. It was a rough weekend. Extremely rough rain, lots of thunderstorms and general crappy weather. It's very good for our reservoirs and plant life in the state. NC has been fortunate in not having tragic droughts that we've seen in the midwest.
Unfortunately since I've been off of my rheumatoid arthritis medications for almost a month now, and I this weather meant a bad flare-up of joint pain (and resulting extreme fatigue) that made me pretty worthless on Saturday. I've been off of the meds because I don't know when/if I will need surgery to address the bad herniated disc and other degenerating crap in my spine. Tomorrow I go for the epidural steroid injection (ESI), that may or may not give me relief. I'll know in about a week. This is the conservative first whack at things.
Right: am I crazy running this pretty miserable web cam shot of myself? Maybe I should be -- no makeup, half sleepy, but reminding myself that things could be worse, right? At this point my vanity is at a pretty low level. My only real nod is that I wear hats when I go out because I've enough hair from RA meds to make me self-conscious.
I was mildly better on Sunday as the front passed and got some light housework done, but that put me in bed quite early. A former early riser (5:30), it's hard to get myself showered, dressed and sentient before 9 when I'm in this condition. My hope is that the back issues adding to my chronic pain issues can be addressed ASAP.
Of course today -- Monday -- another front with more rain blew in overnight and I'm sitting here still working from home, with my wrists all bound with Ace bandages to support the joints that are on fire. At least I can accomplish something. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have the capacity to work. It's horrible being trapped in a body so wracked with multiple ailments that are hard to treat in unison. Each represents another hurdle that I've been able to adapt to -- diabetes, PCOS, fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, and now these spine issues.
The triple punch of the fibro, RA and the back -- all in the last couple of years -- has really challenged me emotionally, physically, and professionally. You can only cry for so much before the anger and resolve take over (at least it is for me, I don't lean toward a depressive state, I'm more of an obsessive problem-solver. The problem with that is it's pretty difficult to accept what you cannot change or have control over. My health decline is frustrating because the target keeps moving as your energy is drained by having to navigate endless paperwork that our health "care" system puts in your way, the need to keep track of various doctors and providers to make sure your interests are met in those few moments you have with them, the strain it puts on yourself and loved ones...you know the drill. I hate relying on people, since I've been self-reliant to the extreme for so long. It's hard to let others take care of you. It wasn't until the RA hurdle was thrown up that I largely gave up trying to do it all for myself. And it wasn't so bad. Just kind of demoralizing.
I've read up on this and spoken with the doctor performing the procedure so I feel fairly confident things will go ok. What neither of us know is my individual reaction -- side effects like fever, infection and soreness are just a roll of the dice. I already know my blood sugar levels will be adversely affected so I'll have to watch that carefully and may need more insulin.
All that matters is that I'm well enough Wed afternoon for Kate to drive me to Greensboro for the Journey concert, lol. Pat Benatar opens for the band and I just found out from Facebook friend Ron Clapham that we'll be able to get to a meet and greet. Many many thanks, Ron. More motivation to get there!
And guess what - it's set for the day before the Journey concert...fingers crossed.
Holy mother of dog. Finally, maybe the end of this disabling pain is near (or a verdict that surgery will be needed). I just got back from an appointment from another arm of the pain clinic at Duke, affiliated with anesthesiology. Since the focus at this clinic is non-surgical approaches to pain management, the doctor I saw looked at my MRI seemed to get excited about my case.
1. I had not had any back injury/incident before this acute incident that sent me to the ER in late August.
2. He usually sees people who have been suffering chronic back pain for years.
This, he said was good (from a clinical perspective); because my disc rupture was recent, it is more likely to respond to an epidural steroid injection (ESI) than a long-term back pain patient.
What was really unfunny is that he was able to, without a problem, schedule me for the ESI next Tuesday. He said it was horrible I had to wait this long; he said if I had gone to this clinic before seeing the spine surgeon over at the orthopedic section at Duke Clinic I would have been in to get a shot no later than the following week.
As in I've been suffering for a month because these Duke units don't "talk" to one another. And here I thought all ESI services in their affiliate units, given all of my records are accessible in every clinic I go to, aren't networked in any way. This makes no sense. You'd think with the backlog of people waiting for these ESIs that they'd be able to see scheduled services across its system so they could funnel patients to get appropriate services. Argh!
Speaking of my current condition...
F'd up. Even the doctor was surprised at the weakness from my left back to the hip and down the leg. He did a pretty thorough physical exam for reflexes and my left leg is so compromised by nerve damage that it doesn't even respond to the knee reflex tap test or other ones near the foot and ankle.
My spinal pain has spread since the initial acute herniation episode -- my spinal pain now goes all the way down to my damn tailbone. And some of the numbness and pain is going down my right leg, but not all the way down to my foot as is the case on the left side. My strength on my right side is fine. Different doctors, different stories about what to expect from the ESI
I always come prepared with a printed narrative and timeline of my appointments, treatments and diagnoses to any new doctor, because at this point my case is so complicated because of my various auto-immune and endocrinological disorders and surgeries that I hate to leave anything out. I packed my DVD of my spine MRI just in case.
I was surprised that this doctor was actually prepared for my appointment -- he had read my history in advance of the appointment, we went through my meds, and was very forthcoming about options and probabilities, risks, etc. Both of the doctors I've seen advise a conservative approach, but there were differences:
Dr. #1 (spine surgeon, 9/11/2012)
Try the ESI once, see if it helps, consider non-invasive surgery if it doesn't help
ESI procedure may take a few days for recovery. Effectiveness known within a week.
No aspirin/ibuprofen before the procedure
Didn't give me any stats on success rates of either
Dr. 2 (anesthesiologist, pain specialist, 9/28/2012)
Wants to do 2 ESIs, one in the central affected area of the spine, one on the left side two weeks later.
Recovery should be within the same day/next day. Effectiveness known within a week.
If these do not successfully help the herniation causing the nerve damage, consider non-invasive surgery
I can take resume aspirin/ibuprofen.
Said about 80-85% success rate for resolving my herniated disc with the ESI, about 95% for the surgery.
Most important of course, was that I wanted to know from Dr. #2 whether I would be good to go (with a wheelchair of course) to the Journey concert the next day after the ESI. He said "sure, if the injection doesn't give you some relief, you'll not be any worse off (pain-wise) than you are right now."
I'll take that. The wheelchair is already loaded up in the Subaru Outback...
Come hell or high water, I'm going to the Journey concert next week after buying tix months ago -- before my spine failed me -- I need a positive experience right now.
It's getting old waiting for a chance to get an epidural steroid injection (ESI) to address the acute pain caused by the extensive spinal disc degeneration and a bad herniated disc in my lower back. I need it at the point where the disc is pressing on the nerves causing the numbness, loss of muscle strength and intense pain in my hip and down the side of my left leg to my foot (and to a lesser degree, the same in my right leg). My entire left foot is numb and has been for a month now.
They are so backed up with appointments for the ESI that I: 1) cannot even make an appointment; 2) I have to wait for a call re: a cancellation and it could be less that 24 hours before the outpatient procedure -- so you have to have transport and someone to watch you at the ready. This has gone on since 9/11. No help.
I've been telecommuting for work for 2 weeks, doing half days working up to full days. Being a techy, I had a good set up at home to do this, and I fortunately do a lot of work in the cloud. I can do 90% of my work from home. I have a headset mic so I can dial in to meetings. It's been a godsend to be able to connect with my colleagues and the outside world, but it's frustrating to not be in the office. I really don't have the stamina to handle full days in this condition and walking around the office, and driving takes a lot out of me (as in I need to sleep/rest for a couple of hours afterwards; you don't realize how much your back is involved in driving until you're in a bad way), so I avoid it.
On the weekends it's been pretty depressing, since I have to be off of my rheumatoid arthritis medications (in anticipation of surgery); I'm dealing with the joint pain and fatigue from that on top of the spine problems. Outings to the grocery store that are longer than 15 minutes of walking simply KO me. Last week I had to go back to the car and wait for Kate to finish up the shopping. I feel so defeated, isolated, weak and tired these days. I'm usually in bed by 8.
The bulk of my energy is expended doing my day job work -- after all I am burning my FMLA down at a rapid pace because of my RA; this spinal crap has accelerated my burn rate and I'm financially losing money as all my paid time off is gone. It's a pretty miserable existence, knowing your professional life (and ability to afford one's health insurance) is hanging by a thread.
At this point it's like why bother, just go for surgery and be done with this sh*te.
So what does Journey have to do with this?
Regular readers know I am a long-time fairly obsessive fan of the band (I went to NYC and stood for hours in the rain at 30 Rock to see them perform on the Today Show last year; see vid below). Months and months ago I bought tix to the upcoming Greensboro show on Oct 3. When all hell broke loose with my back in August, I was terrified that I'd have to sell my front row seats for the concert.
Right: Your blogmistress with her limited edition Italian 2-LP gatefold album release of Eclipse, (still in the shrink wrap)!
It's not that I cannot walk or stand of course, but any modest distance or length of time standing can be intolerable -- that means getting around in the large Greensboro Coliseum for a concert is likely going to be problematic, so I'm not taking any chances. The last thing I need is to have an acute pain attack there. I do have a handicapped placard for the car because of my RA that I use only on really bad days, so that's going to be helpful as well.
So yesterday, Kate and I went to a medical supply store and rented a manual wheelchair (one month = $70). I didn't want to commit to buying one since I'm being optimistic that this level of disability is temporary. If I did feel the need to buy one, it's questionable whether my insurance would cover it; I'm still working (and only rated 20% disabled because of my RA) so it's obviously not clear whether it would be needed after a successful surgery.
Anyway, it's a basic folding chair like the one in the photo. Kate can put in the back of the Subaru. Because of my back problem, Kate has to be the one to lift and get the wheelchair in and out of the car; I cannot transport it on my own.
I thought that I'd feel defeated by the use of and need for a wheelchair, but the pain has been so bad that the reticence has gone out the window.
I know the concert is going to make me "pay" -- in pain and fatigue -- but I simply need to have at just one glimmer of "normal" life and after the bad health year and in particular this last month I've had.
Rock on.
BTW, the concert date happens to coincide with that the first Presidential debate; sorry Mittens and President Obama, I'll catch your sparring on DVR.
My vid of Journey's rehearsal performance of Don't Stop Believing on The Today Show, July 29, 2011:
Journey was part of the Toyota Concert Series on the Today Show. The group sang: Don't Stop Believing, Faithfully, Any Way You Want It, and from the latest CD, Eclipse, the rocking City of Hope. Extra points: the group had just played a concert the night before, hopped on a plane to NYC and performed starting at 7:30 AM. Arnel turned in a good performance despite no sleep and no decent time to rest his voice. Neal and Arnel had great interaction with the crowd. We were in line at 5AM in the VIP line in a downpour for over an hour. It thankfully stopped raining and was cool and breezy for the concert. This was a rehearsal performance of Don't Stop Believing, so it didn't air. They also did City of Hope and an instrumental of Faithfully (AP needed to save his voice to hit those notes live). The crowd sang instead. ;) The were 2 takes of DSB; not sure if they used parts of each for the West Coast airing, or Journey wanted a redo; both takes were good.
It could be 2 or 3 WEEKS before I could get in for an injection to keep surgery at bay. What am I supposed to do until then? I've got almost no paid time off left. This is horrific.
Kate took me to the Spine Clinic on Tuesday and we got a look at the MRI showing extensive spinal disc degeneration and a bad herniated disc in my lower back. The doctor's suggestion is to first take a conservative approach (to relieve the extreme level of pain I'm having to medicate/endure). That involves a steroid injection (epidural steroid injection [ESI]) at the point where the disc is pressing on the nerves causing the numbness, loss of muscle strength and intense pain in my hip and down the side of my left leg to my foot (and to a lesser degree, the same in my right leg). My entire left foot is numb and has been for nearly two weeks now. This first step is to attempt to get me back to 80-90% of my prior (already compromised with RA) function. He said this is a roll of the dice; some patients with as much damage as mine see an eventual retraction of the disc once it's off of the nerves from the steroids reducing inflammation, but he's also seen patients with less damage not respond much to the steroid injections. He said my herniation is a "fairly good size," and was cautious about suggesting any long-term benefit of ESI. In my case he advises only doing one injection to see if I have some relief -- it would take about week post-injection to know if it is working. If there is relief for a length of time, I go on to finish the series of three injections over a year. If still have pain after a week, then he would want to move on to a surgical approach ASAP.He also noted that the overall response/prognosis to the injections and surgery is about the same; though obviously surgery requires more recovery time. We decided to cross that bridge when we get to it. We'll know soon enough.
Unfortunately the damage to the nerves that is causing the "dead" left leg may be permanent; the numbness may or may not go away in the long term.
The doctor said that the steroid injection will definitely have an adverse impact my insulin-dependent diabetes for more than a week, so I have to monitor that closely and probably work with my endocrinologist on that. We left and got digital copies of the MRI and x-rays of my back done at the ER and later after the rheumatologist ordered ones of the correct area of the spine. You'll recall that the ER trip was memorably atrocious.
For now, what does that mean since I've been out, home from work going on two weeks now?
1. First I have to get the spinal steroid injection. They are so backed up with appointments for this kind of injection (it requires someone to drive you home and watch you, so it's more involved than just the steroid shot I got in my hip about a month ago). It looks like I cannot get an appointment until next week. The scheduler is going to call me with either a) an appointment at a center not far from our house (hopefully) next week, or b) any first-opening they may have this week at the hospital. NOTE: It's been 24 hours so far and I called and found out there still has been no response in terms of finding me a slot. A sympathetic rep on the phone said she knows personally about the issue getting an appointment for this particular procedure since she's had it herself. She took pity on me and emailed the person at Orthopedics personally while we were on the phone to look into this so I don't fall through the cracks. That means that until the injection, I'm in the same lousy, painful holding pattern I've been in since the acute ER trip on 8/31. No driving and telecommuting work only as I am able to concentrate, which has been sadly limited in duration. Writing this post has been arduous.
UPDATE (9/13): She called back and said it could be 2 or 3 WEEKS before I could get in for an injection!! What am I supposed to do until then? I have to be able to work; I've got almost no paid time off left. I saw my rheumatologist this AM and she's going to make some calls to hopefully get me the ESI sooner. UPDATE 2 (9/13): Can this nightmare get any worse? They call this afternoon and ask if I can go to get the shot at 2PM tomorrow. Kate is having her own medical procedure and cannot drive; my brother isn't here yet to help and watch me since there are side effects and someone has to monitor you after the procedure. Back into the queue.
2. Post-injection. If I am responding well, then I should be able to come back to work with a holding pattern of wait-and-see about whether there is any lasting relief. If so, then it would be a choice of continuing the series of steroid injections...and more waiting to see if the pain management holds and the disc stabilizes. 3. Surgery. If this ends up being the best option after the injection (Endoscopic Spinal Surgery), we'll cross that bridge to work up a plan for second opinions and timeline. The reality of living in a state where my status as a second-class citizen when it comes to recognizing my marriage hits home here. I've written an extensive post about how the Family Medical Leave Act is out of our reach in this instance. From my political blog - "Real-world discrimination hits home; report outlines just how far we are from LGBT equality."
We are strangers in the eyes of NC law. Many, many allies do not know this discrimination is legal. From NC state FMLA policy:
Spouse – A husband or wife recognized by the State of North Carolina.
Amendment One, passed in May of this year, ensures that our relationship will never be recognized by the state. I, and many people fought mightily to turn this hateful ballot initiative back at the polls, but we failed — and the fallout stains our great state, and now fails me in a time of need.
That’s right — my wife cannot take advantage of FMLA to care for me when I need to convalesce for an extended period of time after a surgery. My state tax dollars fund institutionalized discrimination. The sad irony is that if the roles were reversed, I could take FMLA because my employer has chosen to extend the definition of spouse to include same-sex committed relationships/marriages. Moving on...
4. Rheumatoid arthritis pain. Since this horror is back because I’ve been off of these meds, I'm dealing with this as well. I cannot be on any rheumatoid arthritis meds for 2 weeks prior to any surgery because of the increased infection problem. My doctor said to take the weekly Enbrel shots if things get really bad. That can make me sick for a couple of days, but clears my system in a week, leaving me in a better position for surgery. But taking care of #4 plus the steroid injection will (cross fingers) make it possible for me to be in better shape to think, drive and work in the near term. Double-cross those fingers. I need to be able to work.
So I have to wait until Tuesday to see the spine specialist to get his interpretation of my spinal MRI from last week, which showed a lot going on that had not shown up in previous x-rays, though I have been in fairly acute pain for a couple of weeks now. Summary:
Impression: 1. At L5-S1 there is a broad-based disc bulge with large superimposed disc extrusion causing severe canal stenosis and severe left neural foraminal stenosis. The disc has a rim of different signal which may represent blood products associated with an acute herniation.
2. At L2-L3, there is a on broad-based disc bulge with a left far foraminal protrusion causing moderate left neural foraminal and far foraminal stenosis.
Since the MRI, I've not been cleared to drive, and working (or blogging for that matter), requires almost more concentration than I can bear to muster. The acute pain that sent me to the ER -- shooting, electrical feeling pain down from my low spine to my left hip and down my leg to my foot, which feels almost completely numb 24/7 now is merely "under control" -- but that requires ibuprofen, aspirin and painkillers to keep from going nuclear again.
I feel pretty useless -- type A person that I normally am -- especially when on Thursday, I was reduced to the point that simply taking a shower left me so sore and exhausted that I required a nap just to recover.
The ritual of getting up, showering, and before getting dressed applying all the topical pain salves and liniments on my back, legs and feet makes me think I've crossed the threshold into senior citizenship early (after all, I don't turn 50 until next July, I haven't even received my AARP invitation yet!).
The Old Me. The New Me.
I remember all too well when I'd manage to make to work by 7AM on a regular basis, stay all kinds of long hours, putting all of my energy in to my job, stay up all night writing 7-9 posts for PHB. Now I'm like a candle burned down to a stub.
If I can get my sorry @ss together and to work by 9 it's a miracle. Once there I have to think about how much "pain points" is it going to cost me to go to the copier down the hall multiple times, how many trips to the bathroom or up the stairs is "worth the pain effort", preserving energy for meetings where I have to lug equipment or my laptop (which now feels like it weighs a ton when of course it's only about 5-6 lbs.) down to a remote meeting room.
Of course that was when I was going to work. After the ER episode I've spent most of the last week and a half out of the office, I now have to cancel a business trip that would have been involved a lot of walking, lugging bags and my computer around, standing around talking to vendors, stuff that is a no brainer if you're able-bodied and not in acute pain. For those "re-adjusting" to the law of diminishing returns when dealing with chronic pain, it's a real morale killer, but a reality one has to accept on a timetable that is often out of your control.
I actually did put in a few hours of work last week (telecommuting), but that was able all I could handle. I certainly couldn't even handle sitting in a chair at my desk most of the day. While I am medicated out of acute pain while in this holding pattern, I refuse to overmedicate to the point of "comfort" because it zones you out. I hate that feeling. I discussed the dysfunctional health care system (and the epidemic abuse of pain meds in society) in dealing with patients with genuine chronic pain, "When the system fails you: living (or is it just existing) with chronic pain." You have to weigh the benefits of less pain vs. less clear-headed.
So in this crap holding pattern I feel useless, sometimes despondent, alone (not for the lack of great support and care -- and great wheelchair service -- by my wife Kate). I just want 1) relief, 2) competent medical care, 3) news about my options -- which will set off another series of events -- researching for second or third opinions and making a decision about surgery. The MRI sounds bad enough to suggest a surgical option might be the best way, but I'm open to what brings the best chance of lasting relief. That's relative, of course.
Today was another futile attempt at normal. I took a dry Swiffer around the house, did some light dusting, and now I'm in pain typing this. Why did I do it? Because I had to do something normal. I was tired of being useless. I'll probably try going to the grocery store and seeing how far I can make it before giving up.
Yes, I'm hard-headed.
Messages of kindness...and uncomfortable cluelessness
I'm thankful for all the well-wisher messages, but for obvious reasons, "get well soon" is not particularly uplifting to me, not because of the sentiment behind it, but because I know that 1) it won't be soon, and 2) with rheumatoid arthritis and fibromylagia on top of what's going on now, you don't "get better", you at best get into another holding pattern of whether or not you find medications you can tolerate that MAY slow the disease and moderate the pain, but they can also make you very sick.
I think it's hard to know what to say to a person facing a future that is not the "normal" that they experience every day (after all, you "get well soon" from a cold or even a broken leg) and take that physical state for granted. I know because I would be in the same position if I were not the one facing what's happening in my life right now. I now more keenly am aware of the fact that despite the Americans With Disabilities Act, most of the accommodations in public arenas leave a lot to be desired, and most Americans see someone in a wheelchair, or limping, or using a walker or cane as "slowing them down." You see the disdain and impatience on people's faces. Heck, when I had to do voice rest for a week, my eyes were opened about how incapable and impatient most people are at handling someone who cannot speak as their primary form of communication ("People -- I can't speak, but that doesn't mean I can't hear or think...").
Humans are pitiful, discriminating creatures when it comes to accommodating differences, and don't often extend themselves very well without "retraining" to be aware of their biases to react differently. They'd rather just avoid dealing with people who are different (or differently-abled) at all than deal with the extra intellectual effort (or emotional vulnerability) required.
But here is where I can gripe and moan. For now. It still beats being six feet under. I have to keep saying that.
Damn. I was really hoping it was simply a matter of only Humira side effects, but the MRI on Tuesday revealed a lot of crap that I don't fully understand yet, but what I do know is that it's not good news.
X-rays were not able to detect a lot of what is going on that was affecting the pain radiating from my lower spine, down to my hip and more prominently down my left leg. The MRI, however did all too well.
Indication: Low back pain with leg weakness. Technique: Extradural protocol MRI sequences of the lumbar spine were obtained without gadolinium. Findings: The conus terminates at approximately L1. Bone marrow signal is normal. No evidence of compression fracture. Limited evaluation of the sacrum demonstrates no abnormalities. Alignment of the lumbar spine is normal. T12-L1: Evaluated on sagittal images only. No significant disk herniation, canal stenosis, or neuroforaminal narrowing. L1-2: Mild broad-based disc bulge. No canal or neuroforaminal stenosis. L2-3: Disc desiccation. Mild broad-based disc bulge with left far foraminal protrusion. No canal stenosis. Moderate left neural foraminal stenosis. L3-4: No significant disk herniation, spinal canal stenosis, or neuroforaminal narrowing. L4-5: Mild broad-based disc bulge. No canal or neuroforaminal stenosis.. L5-S1: Broad-based disc bulge with superiorly directed extrusion. The extrusion measures up to 10 mm in AP dimension. The disc has a rim of different signal which may represent blood products associated with an acute herniation. Severe canal stenosis and severe left neural foraminal stenosis. Severe mass effect on the left exiting L5 and descending S1 nerve roots. SI joints: Within normal limits. Impression: 1. At L5-S1 there is a broad-based disc bulge with large superimposed disc extrusion causing severe canal stenosis and severe left neural foraminal stenosis. The disc has a rim of different signal which may represent blood products associated with an acute herniation. 2. At L2-L3, there is a on broad-based disc bulge with a left far foraminal protrusion causing moderate left neural foraminal and far foraminal stenosis.
I'm not certain about what it all means, but some cursory Googling explained some of it:
L2-3: Moderate left neural foraminal stenosis.
http://www.stenosis-foraminal.com/neural_foraminal_narrowing
The most common cause of neural foraminal stenosis is due to disc degeneration. Through the natural ageing process, our discs may become herniated or bulge resulting in a narrow foramen. As the foraminal continues to narrow, nerves are compressed and the outcome of this is pain, tingling, numbness and weakness in the muscles of the affected area.
Another cause of neuroforaminal stenosis may be due to rheumatoid arthritis or osteoarthritis.
Neural Foraminal Stenosis Treatment
Tradition or conservative forms of treatment may offer short term relief, however most patients find that altering their lifestyle to avoid certain activities or movement offer some pain relief. In order to experience full relief, surgery is often recommended.
There are now minimally invasive procedures with a very high success ratio that can be performed and patients experience a plenitude of benefits when comparing these newer procedures versus tradition or conventional surgery.
I have an appointment with a spinal surgeon on Tuesday to discuss the report and the options. I guess I should be scared; I'm more resigned to the fact that my body continues to fail me with new levels of pain and disability. I have to figure out how to cope and make things work.
Right now I'm in a holding pattern with my rheumatoid arthritis; I'm no longer on Humira or Enbrel, so my joint pain is likely to return fairly soon. I may have to try another option, perhaps an infusion drug like Orencia or Remicade - another decision for another time, my rheumy wants to see what the spine surgeon has to offer. The main issue is handling the chronic pain that will increase while waiting to see what challenge lies ahead to address my deteriorating spine and keeping the RA under control.
I have to adjust to the reality that all of these changes mean l will never be the person I was a year ago, 3 years ago -- a status of "normal" that I (and most people) take for granted until you lose it.
I went to my rheumatologist on Friday following the epic 11 hour visit to the Duke ER Thursday for what was some kind of neuromuscular event that almost crippled me from the waist down. At this point we're not sure if it is a possible pinched nerve or a reaction to the rheumatoid arthritis drug Humira. My money is on the Humira.
The timing of all of this is particularly irksome because many of my blogger colleagues and LGBT activists are in Charlotte (I blog out of Durham, about 4 hours drive away) for the Democratic National Convention and here I am, nearly housebound, limited energy, and almost no motivation to blog anyway. How far my constitution has fallen. It sucks. But better here in my own home, medicated and awaiting some answers than stuck in that nightmare ER waiting hours for sub-standard medical care. Or worse -- having this neuromuscular attack while in Charlotte.
Anyway, I go for a MRI on Tuesday at the Duke Cancer Center.
Right now I'm in a holding pattern of handling acute and dull pain management along with muscle weakness until we find out if:
1) It's spine-related and I need a referral to a specialist.
2) It's likely Humira and I stop taking it and let it clear my system (another week).
3) It's something permanent caused by Humira.
All of the problems are from the waist down. I let my pain meds wear off every so often, just enough to get an idea of what I'm dealing with:
* low back pain
* shooting pain (much milder than the acute pain) from the low spine to my hips, down my legs along my outer thighs to my left foot.
* continued numbness and muscle weakness in left leg, not the right leg
* whole left foot hard to feel because it is numb
* muscles in the left leg are tight
Since Friday I have gone out for short trips to the pharmacy and store to see what my stamina is like. I have to move slowly; I can only take about 10-15 minutes of walking or standing on my feet before I have to sit down because of the weakness. My hips and legs have pain around a 5 (meaning if unmedicated it would be much worse), and the shooting pain to my foot usually starts up.
New issues since the initial incident last Wednesday:
* I have small muscle spasms almost constantly, not severe, but in both legs.
* intermittent sharp pains in now in both feet that feel neurological in nature happen as meds wear off; my right foot was previously not an issue
* some of the same numbness and tingling has occurred intermittently in both of my hands at night while in bed.
Muscle pain and weakness may be due to defined rheumatic diseases such as PM, but can also be caused by antirheumatic drugs4. The latter should be considered if (1) there is no history of muscular symptoms, and (2) there has been a symptom-free period between start of therapy and onset of myopathy; and if (3) symptoms are reversible on discontinuation of the drug.
Only 2 cases of PM as a potential side effect of anti-TNF therapy have been reported3,5. Mild myopathic changes have been described in the biopsy specimens of patients with neurologic side effects of anti-TNF-α therapy2.
We describe patients with muscle pain and neuromuscular involvement upon undergoing therapy with TNF-α blockers. One patient had only muscle changes, the other 2 also had neuropathy.
Basically, the incidents are rare, but do exist. At the very least, you'd think they'd advise to stop taking it (my rheumatologist did - she's adamant that we eliminate the obvious and be cautious about re-upping any dose of the drug so as not to make matters worse).
The sad thing is that Humira (and Enbrel, which I had to cease taking because it made me sick for 3 days post-shot) both quell the joint pain from rheumatoid arthritis; these drugs can work wonders but cause so many side effects a good number of people cannot tolerate them.
Having to lose quite a bit of my mobility -- even to the point of being in a wheelchair most of Thursday and Friday, I realize how much we take our ability to walk, stand and transport oneself for granted. I thought that I'd feel a sense of personal defeat that I had to be wheeled around the hospital and clinic, but the excruciating pain that was so disabling that "sucking it up" was not even an option took that completely off the table.
